Real talk today, guys.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been the person everyone goes to for relationship advice, despite having been told I give off a “do not date me” aura and cannot flirt to save my life 99% of the time. But, you know, I offer the best advice I can give and they either follow it or they don’t. And basically, my advice is always the same – be honest and open with them. If you like them, try and tell them. If you’re having issues, sit down and have an adult conversation about it. If you’re not happy, talk to them about it calmly. Basically, put on your big girl and big boy pants and act like adults.
But what I hear most often? Something along the lines of “I just want a relationship.”
You are the kind of person I cannot deal with.
You do not want a relationship. You’re not even thinking of a relationship when you say these things. You are thinking along the lines of a fling, or something like that. A relationship is not standing on the edge of the Titanic and saying “Don’t let go.” A relationship is not kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel just as the sun is setting and the carnival lights play on your faces. A relationship is work.
I want you to think of your best friend in the entire world, the one you’ve known the longest if you have more than one. Now, I want you to think about how many times you two have gotten into a fight in all the years you’ve known each other. Now I want you to think about that with a person of your sexual preference, and I want you to add on hormonal tension and more frustration than you had with your friend. Okay? No one thinks about that shit when they go “oh I just want someone to love and be in love with.” No one. I’m pretty sure it’s a scientific fact.
I want you to think about your family. Do you like them? Enough that you would want your significant other meeting them? If your significant other has a family you do not get along with, do you really think you’d want to meet them? Could you get into a fight and not mention how much a bitch their mother is, or how protective their brother? Could you put up with their family? Could they put up with yours?
You have to put up with every one of their quirks. You have to mean it when you say everything. You have to worry about jealousy and wanting to see other people and choosing how to spend your time; with your SO or your friends. There are so many things you have to do in order to make it right for both of you.
Now comes the really hard part. If you were to be in a relationship, would you be doing it just so you aren’t alone anymore, or would you really truly want them to be the happiest they could ever be, and you want to help make that possible? Would you be willing to give them up if that meant they were truly happy, no matter how much it hurt you to leave them?
A relationship is work. In this day and age, with texting and Skyping and all that, it’s a full-time job, for the most part. Is a relationship a great thing if you find the right person? Yes, absolutely. But only if you’re willing to work for it.
Also, if you are so dependent on needing to enjoy your life with someone else, that’s just bullshit. If you can’t enjoy your life by yourself, you won’t be able to enjoy it with someone else. Go out and do things and make stories and take pictures and enjoy yourself and don’t think about how it would be so much better if you had someone.
If you expect your relationship to be all candy and roses, do not date anyone. If you expect minimal issues with your prospective significant other, do not look for a relationship. If you want a love that’s easy, go buy a dog.